I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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