five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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