Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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