Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
