The maid of honor just puked.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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