The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
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