I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
