i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
