i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
