he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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