I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
