We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
