I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
please don't ironically join a cult
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
