8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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