if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
