no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
