Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
