how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
