Soap is not a condiment
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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