I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
