ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
