Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
