you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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