I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
