Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
