you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
