Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
only if we run a train.
done.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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