one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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