Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
