This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
