I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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