nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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