Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
