If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
