I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
