Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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