I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
