It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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