so let's talk penis.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
