I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just want to make out with him forever
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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