the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
