so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
foreskin is a definite game changer
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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