he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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