So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
