Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
