I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
