I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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