ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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