he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
