I want to have your abortion
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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